Don't should yourself
June 22, 2022, Dina Marie Weineck
“I should stay to please dad.”
“I should come in early, hopefully my boss will notice.”
“I shouldn’t ask for a promotion because it will threaten my colleague.”
DON’T! Walking through life hoping to please others is an incredibly dissatisfying course of action. It throws you way out of integrity. And being out of integrity leads to frustration and depletion.
In pleasing others and seeking validation outside ourselves, we are actually spending and wasting a ton of energy. And in wasting energy, we are actually setting ourselves up to do mediocre work. And that, dear reader, is a huge disservice to the world, whether that’s your staff, boss, company, or family…especially to those whose validation you’re hoping for.
You’ve got to let go of “shoulding” yourself and, instead, ask yourself: “What do I really want here?”
And then request it.
I am not saying be a b*tch about what you want. You can still be mindful of other’s emotions and feelings. In fact, I’ve just suggested to a client that she can share her concerns for not wanting to hurt her boss’s feelings AS SHE requests something that would really help her meet her desires for continued growth.
What I AM saying is this:
If you want to live a better life, be a better person, do a better job, you’ve got to get your desires met.
This leads to a better steak, a better vacation, better bosses, better sex…you’ve just gotta ask for what you want.
The result? Well, a client just put it this way: “I feel like I’ve just taken my bra off after a really long day.”
Translation for the non-bra-wearing individuals: SOOO much space for possibility, service, and doing good is being created whenever you go after what you want.
You’re building capacity inside yourself to do SO MUCH good in this world!
In turn, meeting your desires and having them met, I promise, WILL help you contribute to any situation 1000x better.
Ask around one of these days…a happier employee does a better job. A sexually satisfied partner does … well … you get the idea 😉
What do you want, what do you really really want?
As for me? Booking myself on a two-day vacation to Porto in the middle of next week is what I really really want.